What Happens If You Don’t Answer Your Calling?
It can take decades to figure out what you want to do in your lifetime. And chances are: your “calling” is many things. For me, I’m most at home in myself when I’m:
Learning (usually in the form of reading)
Writing (journaling, articles, novels)
Nurturing (myself, my home, animals, humans)
When I think about my legacy or what I’d want someone to say in my eulogy, it would be something like: “She was a great mom, partner, daughter, sister, and friend. She wrote a lot of great things. She was really smart, kind, and strong.” Something like that. It can be just as important to realize what we don’t care about. For example, I don’t care to be remembered as beautiful or rich. Okay, maybe it would be cool for my great-grandchildren to be like “Wow, she made a lot of money.” Or “Damn, she was really beautiful.” But at the end of the day, if they remember me as someone who was a devoted wife/mother, really smart, kind, and built a great life, then I’m happy.
It’s cool to be clear on all of these things, but here’s the problem.
Lately, my “calling” in the form of writing has taken a backseat to life. I’m getting married in October. We bought a house that we’re renovating. I’m investing a lot of time and energy into my health. I’m caring for my partner, myself, our house, and our two animals. Modern life is demanding and my time can be fractured in a million ways. If I allow it, writing completely falls to the wayside, which got me thinking: what would happen if I let it slide? And not just on a random Tuesday, but for my entire life?
What if I chose to nestle myself into a domestic life without any form of a career or aspirations for myself as an individual?
It’s helpful to ask these questions so we can feel the answer inside of ourselves.
The answer I feel inside: I’m not supposed to let it slide. I’m not supposed to ignore my calling. I also sense: there will be repercussions if I let it slide.
I owe it to myself and my family to keep answering the calling. Not to become rich or successful. But to be a person who does what she loves to do. To set the example that I get to meet all my needs, and by giving myself permission to do that, I am showing other people they can do that, too.
Chelsea Bieker, the author of Madwoman, wrote on her Substack: “To not live into your artistic desire in the way you are being called, is a kind of death.” She writes that there is a “despairing sense […] from writers who so desperately want to create but cannot get out of their own way.” In this way, “The stakes may be just as high.”
She also explains that writing novels is an act of writing toward personal fantasy. When we work toward the resolution at the end of our novel, we are personally resolving some conflict within ourselves. This is also true in articles (like what I’m writing right now).
Our callings are not just how we serve other people, they are also how we nourish and heal ourselves.
If we ignore our calling, we aren’t just withholding what we have to offer the world, we are withholding wellness from ourselves. To be completely whole, we need to take action on what we are drawn to. Suppressing our interests, desires, and aspirations does not serve anyone.
So what happens if you ignore your calling?
I have a feeling the phone will just keep ringing. You don’t “miss the boat” on your calling. You’re not “too late.” It’s not “taking you too long.” And you’re not “stuck.” I think we just keep picking up the phone every day. We stay curious about what we’re interested in building, writing, and creating—and we go do that. Not for glamorous results, but for ourselves and others. If all else fails, maybe someone will say in your eulogy, “She was passionate, she made time for what she loved most,” or maybe the greatest accomplishment of all:
“She knew how to make herself happy.”
